Today is the first day of the rest of my life! My boys are both in school, my husband is upstairs working and I’m sitting at my desk wondering what I’m supposed to be doing amid a VERY quiet house.
Hmmm. I know, I know. This is a nice problem to have (especially the quiet house part). I’m fortunate enough to be able to really look around and figure out what I want to do versus so many others having to do what they need to do just to get by. BUT – that doesn’t make decisions easier or options more obvious.
There’s no doubt I’ve been stressing over this day for quite some time now. I have wondered, worried and considered what I would do once the boys were both in school and I had some free time on my hands.
The truth is that I have buoyed back and forth between following my aspiration of writing (for a paycheck) and finding a job that provides said paycheck. Of course, I could do both, but then where would the time for my boys go? Plus, I plan to keep the GEMs coming regardless of my decision!!!
I have written all the pros and cons of each scenario until I’m blue in the face. I’ve prayed, asked advice from my peers and discussed with my husband what each situation would look like for me and my family.
The result has been confusion, anxiety and irritability. Go figure!
However, then I began to wonder if all this perplexity wasn’t just a deep-seated fear of failure.
Ah…. Now, I think I’m getting somewhere.
Yep. It all comes down to the fact that I’m afraid of not being good enough. I’m afraid that if I make a choice and fail then what will people think of me?
It’s plain to see (now, of course) that if I continue to be wishy-washy, I will fail ANYWAY. (Man oh man!)
Why should I forget my fear and GET GOING, you ask? Well, because God tells me to!
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2Timothy 1:7
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
Essentially, I have had my focus all wrong. I have set my sights on making my life happen according to what I WANT and not keeping my center of attention on the ONE who makes it happen!! The confusion and anxiety always arrives the moment I look away or inward.
So, today I have committed my day to God. I’m giving Him the glory and leaving myself open to His leading. I plan to do this every day and I’ll be excited to let you guys know what happens next!
Do you find yourself giving up dreams because of fear?
Some Wisdom for Today: Proverbs 16:3 – Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.